I’ve wanted to make a post like this for a while. When I thought about pregnancy before actually being pregnant myself…I thought…maybe morning sickness in the beginning, glow, fit pregnancy, adorable bump, baby shower, decorating a nursery, excitement…Welp, I was wrong. Now let me start by saying that this post isn’t meant to be a giant vent session where I complain. I just want to authentically share my experience! Brian and I are so excited for the little man to get here, we already love him to pieces, but that doesn’t mean that this hasn’t been the hardest time of my life.
Brian and I found out we were expecting in December. I honestly just had a weird feeling that I was. To be clear: no, we weren’t trying to have a baby and honestly, my doctors had said that it might be near impossible with my PCOS. The first test I took was actually negative (I didn’t know that you are supposed to take it when you first wake up). But about a week later (and still no period), I took another test (well..two tests), and they were both positive. Brian and I stared at the tests on the bathroom counter and I cried and he just hugged me. I think we were both just shocked. Of course two days before we adopted our Rottie/Lab mix Layla. So new puppy and new pregnancy? Perfect timing! Thankfully Brian and I are completely in love, we have been for years, and I’m 28 years old, so we knew we’d be fine. Once we got used to the idea, we got excited! Let the pregnancy unfold!
About two weeks later…the morning sickness kicked in. And I’d like to meet the a**hole who named it “morning” sickness. I guarantee you that person was a man. It is NOT morning sickness. It is all day, 24/7, sickness. I would compare it to that time in college where you drink WAYYYY too much and just puke your guts up praying for imminent death…every. single. day. ALL. DAY. I know that no two pregnancies are alike, but my nausea during the first few months was UN-FREAKING-REAL. I spent much of that time on the bathroom floor curled up in the fetal position crying my eyes out.
I couldn’t eat anything that I normally eat. I could keep down fruit and carbs…that’s it. Meat of any kind made me puke. As a result, I started gaining weight pretty rapidly (which sucks obviously). The other thing many people don’t tell you is just how exhausted you get. Just being awake has been exhausting. It can be really hard because you want to get so much done before the baby comes, but then your body literally fights you every step of the way.
The doctor’s appointments really stressed me out as well. When you realize just how much they are testing you for…just how much can possibly be WRONG with your baby…it’s TERRIFYING. I was scared for my ultrasound and bloodwork where they test for Down’s Syndrome (they actually do two separate blood tests at different points in time), I was scared for the bloodwork to see if I’m a carrier for any diseases…I was scared for our level 2 ultrasound where they make sure he’s developing properly. So. Much. Worry. We actually found out I AM a carrier for a disease (I don’t have it, it just means I carry it so if Brian does too, there is a 25% chance that the baby will have it…and it was a scary one). After they took Brian’s blood it was over THREE WEEKS before we got his results back. That was three weeks of me googling that CRAP out of the disease and freaking out. Thankfully they finally told us Brian is NOT a carrier, so it is EXTREMELY unlikely our son will have it. But oh. my. gosh.
Now that I’m about to be 24 weeks (tomorrow), the nausea has subsided (mostly…the other day I puked in the car), but the exhaustion is still VERY real. Another newer symptom is extreme mood swings and depression. There have been many days recently where I just wake up and start hysterically crying. I have to hand it to Brian for being a freaking ROCK star through this whole process. He just holds me, caters to me, tells me everything is going to be ok…I honestly don’t know what I’d do without him. This baby is so lucky to have him for a father!
The other thing I wasn’t prepared for is everyone’s opinions. People started grilling me about if I could feel him kick yet..have I felt him? “Oh, but it could feel like flutters..or popcorn” “Oh, well you probably HAVE felt him you just don’t know it.” But honestly…I didn’t feel him. AT ALL. And week after week, they’d ask, and I’d be honest and I could tell they were worried for me….which made ME start to freak out. About a week and a half ago I started feeling him but I thought I was going to lose it if someone else told me it was weird I hadn’t felt him yet.
I’m due August 21st and and I can honestly say this has been a horrible experience. As I said, I’m so excited for him to be here, but this pregnancy has been awful. Brian wants to have another one and already talks about it…but I need a few years off.
So what have I learned? Moms deserve SOOO much more credit than I ever gave them before. No two pregnancies are alike (my sister’s pregnancy was the easiest thing ever, she had no symptoms) and it’s OK that mine sucks BIG time! Don’t freak out until you actually have something to freak out over (if you freak out over every little thing that could possibly be wrong you’ll lose your mind), and while everyone has an opinion, unless it’s coming from your doctor, take it with a grain of salt.
So here is to being more than half way there!! As Brian said yesterday, “Well it can’t get WORSE.”